Алхимия
Сегодня все было готово к финальной, завершающей части эксперимента, оставалось лишь дождаться заката. Около года алхимик готовился к этому важнейшему дню – тщательно подбирал ингридиенты, прочитал множество книг, в том числе и тех, при одном лишь упоминании которых у инквизиции сразу начинали чесаться руки. Он даже соорудил из металла специальный сосуд – прямоугольный, что символизировало четыре стихии, на колесиках, чтобы максимально осторожно его передвигать, не потревожив при этом происходящую внутри хрупкую реакцию, со стеклянными прямоугольными окошками, чтобы наблюдать за её течением, и с маленькой дверцей, на тот случай, если её финальный продукт пожелает выйти наружу.
Месяц назад, в правильный день, учитывая фазу луны и положение звезд, алхимик поместил в сосуд необходимые компоненты. С тех пор, и до сегодняшнего дня надлежало терпеливо ждать.
Выглянув в окно, и убедившись в том, что светило опустилось за горизонт, алхимик осторожно опустил колбу на огонь, и стал смотреть в маленькие окошки.
Поначалу смесь просто бурлила, однако через несколько минут начали вырисовываться какие-то очертания, всё более напоминавшие чей-то силуэт. Алхимик улыбнулся, - неужели ему наконец удалось то, чего так долго не могли сделать другие? Получить гомункулуса!
Но вот, что-то пошло не так, антропоморфная фигура скрючилась, опустилась на четвереньки, приобрела бурый цвет, вместо телесного. В глазах алхимика читалось отчаяние. Некоторое время он молча наблюдал за своей неудачей.
– Проклятье! Ведь все было верно! – тихо заворчал он себе под нос, – Корень мандрагоры, кровь младенца… Неужели всё из-за медвежьей шерсти?!
Он изрек еще несколько проклятий, со злостью бросил сосуд в огонь и удалился. Некоторое время спустя можно было наблюдать, как внутри металлической коробочки с окошками ожившая было фигурка начала двигаться, но, охваченная пламенем, обуглилась и замерла.
Showing posts with label burning bear. Show all posts
Showing posts with label burning bear. Show all posts
29.5.09
27.5.09
PyroUrsoMania #5
the tale of the Ring-BEARer
THE BEAR suddenly LIFTS HIS HANDS to his face ... and BITES
ANGLE ON: FRODO MATERIALIZES as he DROPS TO HIS KNEES,
clutching his BLEEDING HAND . . . he SCREAMS.
The FIRES below roar in anger, RED LIGHT blazes, and all the cavern is filled with a great glare and heat.
CLOSE ON: THE BEAR triumphantly HOLDS the RING ALOFT . . .
ECSTATIC!
CLOSE ON: THE BEAR dancing GLEEFULLY . . . PERILOUSLY close to the OPEN BURNING CAR!
THE BEAR still TRIUMPHANT . . . on the edge of the DRIVER'S SEAT ...
The FIERY LAVA casting an EVIL LIGHT . . . He jumps about in DELIGHT . . .
THE BEAR
Inflamed! Inflamed!
ANGLE ON: FRODO rises slowly . . . his EYES lock on THE BEAR . . .
time seems to stand still as each regards the other ...
CLOSE ON: the RING glinting in THE BEAR'S HAND . . . BEAUTIFUL... POWERFUL ... TEMPTING . . .
SUDDENLY! FRODO lunges at THE BEAR ...
FRODO thuds into THE BEAR, lifting him off his feet . . .
ANGLE ON: FRODO and THE BEAR locked in STRUGGLE plummet over the EDGE OF THE CAR.
26.5.09
PyroUrsoMania #4
Aut car inclusi lign(o) occultantur Igniti,
Aut haec in nostros fabricata (e)st machina muros,
Super domos strikaturque, nostros fortitudos deminim,
Aut aliquis latet error. Machina ne credite, Ursi.
Quidquid id est, timeo machinas et igni ferentes.
Против нашей стены громада построена эта,
Чтоб над домами ударить, тем нашу смелость превысив,
Или иной здесь обман... Нет, вы машине не верьте, медведи!
Что там ни будь, я машины боюсь и огонь приносящей.
Aut haec in nostros fabricata (e)st machina muros,
Super domos strikaturque, nostros fortitudos deminim,
Aut aliquis latet error. Machina ne credite, Ursi.
Quidquid id est, timeo machinas et igni ferentes.
то бишь ( с "латыни")
Против нашей стены громада построена эта,
Чтоб над домами ударить, тем нашу смелость превысив,
Или иной здесь обман... Нет, вы машине не верьте, медведи!
Что там ни будь, я машины боюсь и огонь приносящей.
25.5.09
PyroUrsoMania №3
The burning of the bear, Tarantino-absurd style
THREE YOUNG CREATURES, obviously in over their heads, sit at a
table with pancakes, french fries and quas pops laid out.
One of them flips the LOUD BOLT on the door, opening it to
REVEAL Inigo and Tomas in the hallway.
INIGO
Hey there.
The two men stroll inside.
The three young caught-off-guard Creatures are:
MARVIN
The black young wolf, who opened the door, will, as the scene
progresses, back into the corner.
RAINARD
A young red-haired fox with a "Flock of Seagulls"
haircut, who has yet to say a word, sits at the table with a
big sloppy pancake in his hand.
BJORN
A white, preppy-looking sort who looks somehow savage.
Inigo and Tomas take in the place, with their hands in their
pockets. Inigo is the one who does the talking.
Read more...
INIGO
How are you?
No answer.
INIGO
(to Bjorn)
Am I trippin', or did I just ask
you a question.
BJORN
We're doin' okay.
As Inigo and Bjorn talk, Tomas moves behind the young Creatures.
INIGO
Do you know who we are?
Bjorn shakes his head: "No."
INIGO
We're associates of your business
partner Mr. Wolf, you
remember your business partner
dont'ya?
No answer.
INIGO
(to Bjorn)
Now I'm gonna take a wild guess
here: you're Bjorn, right?
BJORN
I'm Bjorn.
INIGO
I thought so. Well, you remember
your business partner Mr/
Wolf, dont'ya Bjorn?
BJORN
I remember him.
INIGO
Good for you. Looks like me and
Tomas caught you at breakfast,
sorry 'bout that. What'cha eatin'?
BJORN
Pancakes.
INIGO
Pancakes. The cornerstone of any
nutritious breakfast. What kinda
pancakes?
BJORN
Wi' cheese.
INIGO
No, I mean where did you get'em?
GrandPa's GrandMa's, the Rainbow Hen, where?
BJORN
Big Kolobok Pancakes.
INIGO
Big Kolobok Pancakes. That's that
old pancake joint. I heard
they got some tasty pancakes. I
ain't never had one myself, how are
they?
BJORN
They're good.
INIGO
Mind if I try one of yours?
BJORN
No.
INIGO
Yours is this one, right?
BJORN
Yeah.
Inigo grabs the pancake and take a bite of it.
INIGO
Uuummmm, that's a tasty pancake.
(to Tomas)
Tom, you ever try a Big Kolobok
Pancake?
TOMAS
No.
Inigo holds out the Big Kolobok.
INIGO
You wanna bite, they're real good.
TOMAS
I ain't hungry.
INIGO
Well, if you like pancakes give
'em a try sometime. Me, I can't
usually eat 'em 'cause I only eat 'em with condensed milk.But since I
can see none, it doesn' happen that often.But God, do I love the taste of a good
pancake.
(to Bjorn)
You know what they call a Quarter
Pounder with Cheese in France?
BJORN
No.
INIGO
Tell 'em, Tomas.
TOMAS
Royale with Cheese.
INIGO
Royale with Cheese, you know why
they call it that?
BJORN
Because of the metric system?
INIGO
Check out the big brain on Bjorn.
You'a smart motherfucker, that's
right. The metric system.
(he points to a fast
food drink cup)
What's in this?
BJORN
Quas.
INIGO
Quas, good, mind if I have some
of your tasty beverage to wash this
down with?
BJORN
Sure.
Jules grabs the cup and takes a sip.
INIGO
Uuuuummmm, hits the spot!
(to Rainard)
You, Flock of Seagulls, you know
what we're here for?
Rainard nods his head: "Yes."
INIGO
Then why don't you tell my boy here
TOm, where you got the car hid.
MARVIN
It's under the be --
INIGO
-- I don't remember askin' you a
goddamn thing.
(to Rainard)
You were sayin'?
RAINARD
It's under the bed.
TOMAS moves to the bed, reaches underneath it, pulling out a
black Ford.
TOMAS
Got it.
Tomas opens the door on his side. We can't see
what's inside, but a small glow emits from the car. Tomas
just stares at it, transfixed.
INIGO
We happy?
No answer from the transfixed Tomas.
INIGO
Tomas!
Tomas looks up at Inigo.
INIGO
We happy?
Closing the car.
TOMAS
We're happy.
BJORN
(to Inigo)
Look, what's your name? I got his
name's Tomas, but what's yours?
INIGO
My name's Pitt, and you ain't
talkin' your ass outta this shit.
BJORN
I just want you to know how sorry
we are about how fucked up things
got between us and Mr. Wolf.
When we entered into this thing, we
only had the best intentions --
As Bjorn talks, Jules takes out his gun and SHOOTS Rainard three
times in the chest, BLOWING him out of his chair.
Tom smiles to himself. Inigo has got style.
Bjorn has just shit the floor. He's not crying or whimpering,
but he's so full of fear, it's as if his body is imploding.
INIGO
(to Bjorn)
Oh, I'm sorry. Did that break your
concentration? I didn't mean to do
that. Please, continue. I believe
you were saying something about
"best intentions."
Bjorn can't say a word.
INIGO
Whatsamatter? Oh, you were through
anyway. Well, let me retort.
Would you describe for me what
Mr. Wolf looks like?
Bjorn still can't speak.
INIGO SNAPS, SAVAGELY TIPPING the card table over, removing
the only barrier between himself and Bjorn. Bjorn now sits in
a lone chair before Inigo like a political prisoner in front
of an interrogator.
INIGO
Tell me of this car!
BJORN
(petrified)
What?
INIGO
"What" ain't no car I know! Is it English?
BJORN
(near heart attack)
What?
INIGO
English-motherfucker-is-
it?
BJORN
Yes.
INIGO
Do you understand what I'm
sayin'?
BJORN
Yes.
INIGO
Now describe what Mr. Wolf
looks like!
BJORN
(out of fear)
What?
Inigo takes his .45 and PRESSES the barrel HARD in Bjorn's
cheek.
INIGO
Say "What" again! C'mon, say
"What" again! I dare ya, I double
dare ya motherfucker, say "What"
one more goddamn time!
Bjorn is regressing on the spot.
INIGO
Now describe to me what Mister
Wolf looks like!
Bjorn does his best.
BJORN
Well he's ...he's...grey --
INIGO
-- go on!
BJORN
...and he's...he's...furry --
INIGO
-- does he look like a bitch?!
BJORN
(without thinking)
What?
Inigo's eyes go to Tomas, Tomas smirks, Inigo rolls his
eyes and SHOOT Bjorn in the shoulder.
Bjorn SCREAMS, breaking into a SHAKING/TREMBLING SPASM in the
chair.
INIGO
Does-he-look-like-a-bitch?!
BJORN
(in agony)
No.
INIGO
Then why did you try to fuck 'im
like a bitch?!
BJORN
(in spasm)
I didn't.
Now in a lower voice.
INIGO
Yes ya did Bjorn. Ya tried ta fuck
'im. You ever read the Bible,
Bjorn?
BJORN
(in spasm)
Yes.
INIGO
There's a passage I got memorized,
seems appropriate for this
situation: Ezekiel 25:17. "The path
of the righteous man is beset on
all sides by the woods of the
selfish and the vehicles of evil
men. Blessed is he who, in the
name of charity and good wheels,
shepherds the ursals through the
valley of darkness, for he is truly
his bear's keeper and the finder
of lost. And I will
strike down upon thee with great
vengeance and vehicles of fury those
who attempt to poison and destroy
my brothers. And you will know my
name is the Lord when I lead you into a burning car."
The two men push Bjorn inside a car, which is revealed to be in blazes.
When they are finished, the burning car just releases a TRAIL OF SMOKE.
All is quiet.
THREE YOUNG CREATURES, obviously in over their heads, sit at a
table with pancakes, french fries and quas pops laid out.
One of them flips the LOUD BOLT on the door, opening it to
REVEAL Inigo and Tomas in the hallway.
INIGO
Hey there.
The two men stroll inside.
The three young caught-off-guard Creatures are:
MARVIN
The black young wolf, who opened the door, will, as the scene
progresses, back into the corner.
RAINARD
A young red-haired fox with a "Flock of Seagulls"
haircut, who has yet to say a word, sits at the table with a
big sloppy pancake in his hand.
BJORN
A white, preppy-looking sort who looks somehow savage.
Inigo and Tomas take in the place, with their hands in their
pockets. Inigo is the one who does the talking.
Read more...
INIGO
How are you?
No answer.
INIGO
(to Bjorn)
Am I trippin', or did I just ask
you a question.
BJORN
We're doin' okay.
As Inigo and Bjorn talk, Tomas moves behind the young Creatures.
INIGO
Do you know who we are?
Bjorn shakes his head: "No."
INIGO
We're associates of your business
partner Mr. Wolf, you
remember your business partner
dont'ya?
No answer.
INIGO
(to Bjorn)
Now I'm gonna take a wild guess
here: you're Bjorn, right?
BJORN
I'm Bjorn.
INIGO
I thought so. Well, you remember
your business partner Mr/
Wolf, dont'ya Bjorn?
BJORN
I remember him.
INIGO
Good for you. Looks like me and
Tomas caught you at breakfast,
sorry 'bout that. What'cha eatin'?
BJORN
Pancakes.
INIGO
Pancakes. The cornerstone of any
nutritious breakfast. What kinda
pancakes?
BJORN
Wi' cheese.
INIGO
No, I mean where did you get'em?
GrandPa's GrandMa's, the Rainbow Hen, where?
BJORN
Big Kolobok Pancakes.
INIGO
Big Kolobok Pancakes. That's that
old pancake joint. I heard
they got some tasty pancakes. I
ain't never had one myself, how are
they?
BJORN
They're good.
INIGO
Mind if I try one of yours?
BJORN
No.
INIGO
Yours is this one, right?
BJORN
Yeah.
Inigo grabs the pancake and take a bite of it.
INIGO
Uuummmm, that's a tasty pancake.
(to Tomas)
Tom, you ever try a Big Kolobok
Pancake?
TOMAS
No.
Inigo holds out the Big Kolobok.
INIGO
You wanna bite, they're real good.
TOMAS
I ain't hungry.
INIGO
Well, if you like pancakes give
'em a try sometime. Me, I can't
usually eat 'em 'cause I only eat 'em with condensed milk.But since I
can see none, it doesn' happen that often.But God, do I love the taste of a good
pancake.
(to Bjorn)
You know what they call a Quarter
Pounder with Cheese in France?
BJORN
No.
INIGO
Tell 'em, Tomas.
TOMAS
Royale with Cheese.
INIGO
Royale with Cheese, you know why
they call it that?
BJORN
Because of the metric system?
INIGO
Check out the big brain on Bjorn.
You'a smart motherfucker, that's
right. The metric system.
(he points to a fast
food drink cup)
What's in this?
BJORN
Quas.
INIGO
Quas, good, mind if I have some
of your tasty beverage to wash this
down with?
BJORN
Sure.
Jules grabs the cup and takes a sip.
INIGO
Uuuuummmm, hits the spot!
(to Rainard)
You, Flock of Seagulls, you know
what we're here for?
Rainard nods his head: "Yes."
INIGO
Then why don't you tell my boy here
TOm, where you got the car hid.
MARVIN
It's under the be --
INIGO
-- I don't remember askin' you a
goddamn thing.
(to Rainard)
You were sayin'?
RAINARD
It's under the bed.
TOMAS moves to the bed, reaches underneath it, pulling out a
black Ford.
TOMAS
Got it.
Tomas opens the door on his side. We can't see
what's inside, but a small glow emits from the car. Tomas
just stares at it, transfixed.
INIGO
We happy?
No answer from the transfixed Tomas.
INIGO
Tomas!
Tomas looks up at Inigo.
INIGO
We happy?
Closing the car.
TOMAS
We're happy.
BJORN
(to Inigo)
Look, what's your name? I got his
name's Tomas, but what's yours?
INIGO
My name's Pitt, and you ain't
talkin' your ass outta this shit.
BJORN
I just want you to know how sorry
we are about how fucked up things
got between us and Mr. Wolf.
When we entered into this thing, we
only had the best intentions --
As Bjorn talks, Jules takes out his gun and SHOOTS Rainard three
times in the chest, BLOWING him out of his chair.
Tom smiles to himself. Inigo has got style.
Bjorn has just shit the floor. He's not crying or whimpering,
but he's so full of fear, it's as if his body is imploding.
INIGO
(to Bjorn)
Oh, I'm sorry. Did that break your
concentration? I didn't mean to do
that. Please, continue. I believe
you were saying something about
"best intentions."
Bjorn can't say a word.
INIGO
Whatsamatter? Oh, you were through
anyway. Well, let me retort.
Would you describe for me what
Mr. Wolf looks like?
Bjorn still can't speak.
INIGO SNAPS, SAVAGELY TIPPING the card table over, removing
the only barrier between himself and Bjorn. Bjorn now sits in
a lone chair before Inigo like a political prisoner in front
of an interrogator.
INIGO
Tell me of this car!
BJORN
(petrified)
What?
INIGO
"What" ain't no car I know! Is it English?
BJORN
(near heart attack)
What?
INIGO
English-motherfucker-is-
it?
BJORN
Yes.
INIGO
Do you understand what I'm
sayin'?
BJORN
Yes.
INIGO
Now describe what Mr. Wolf
looks like!
BJORN
(out of fear)
What?
Inigo takes his .45 and PRESSES the barrel HARD in Bjorn's
cheek.
INIGO
Say "What" again! C'mon, say
"What" again! I dare ya, I double
dare ya motherfucker, say "What"
one more goddamn time!
Bjorn is regressing on the spot.
INIGO
Now describe to me what Mister
Wolf looks like!
Bjorn does his best.
BJORN
Well he's ...he's...grey --
INIGO
-- go on!
BJORN
...and he's...he's...furry --
INIGO
-- does he look like a bitch?!
BJORN
(without thinking)
What?
Inigo's eyes go to Tomas, Tomas smirks, Inigo rolls his
eyes and SHOOT Bjorn in the shoulder.
Bjorn SCREAMS, breaking into a SHAKING/TREMBLING SPASM in the
chair.
INIGO
Does-he-look-like-a-bitch?!
BJORN
(in agony)
No.
INIGO
Then why did you try to fuck 'im
like a bitch?!
BJORN
(in spasm)
I didn't.
Now in a lower voice.
INIGO
Yes ya did Bjorn. Ya tried ta fuck
'im. You ever read the Bible,
Bjorn?
BJORN
(in spasm)
Yes.
INIGO
There's a passage I got memorized,
seems appropriate for this
situation: Ezekiel 25:17. "The path
of the righteous man is beset on
all sides by the woods of the
selfish and the vehicles of evil
men. Blessed is he who, in the
name of charity and good wheels,
shepherds the ursals through the
valley of darkness, for he is truly
his bear's keeper and the finder
of lost. And I will
strike down upon thee with great
vengeance and vehicles of fury those
who attempt to poison and destroy
my brothers. And you will know my
name is the Lord when I lead you into a burning car."
The two men push Bjorn inside a car, which is revealed to be in blazes.
When they are finished, the burning car just releases a TRAIL OF SMOKE.
All is quiet.
24.5.09
PyroUrsoMania №2
продолжение литературной темы за медведя
JabBEARwocky
`Twas burning, and the fiery flame
Did gyre and gimble in the air;
The hungry elements did claim
The remnants of the bear...
Beware the burning car, o, bear! -
The oil that boils, the tires that melt,
Beware the hot infernal flare
And the treacherous seat belt!
While, sucking on his paw, he stood,
The burning car, with bursts of flame
Came blazing through the tulgey wood
And crackled as it came!
Oh, hast thou sat in the burning car?
We deeply mourn the tragic loss.
Oh, grievous day, we're in dismay,
What can be even worse...
`Twas burning, and the fiery flame
Did gyre and gimble in the air;
The hungry elements did claim
The remnants of the bear...
Did gyre and gimble in the air;
The hungry elements did claim
The remnants of the bear...
Beware the burning car, o, bear! -
The oil that boils, the tires that melt,
Beware the hot infernal flare
And the treacherous seat belt!
While, sucking on his paw, he stood,
The burning car, with bursts of flame
Came blazing through the tulgey wood
And crackled as it came!
Oh, hast thou sat in the burning car?
We deeply mourn the tragic loss.
Oh, grievous day, we're in dismay,
What can be even worse...
`Twas burning, and the fiery flame
Did gyre and gimble in the air;
The hungry elements did claim
The remnants of the bear...
21.5.09
PyroUrsoMania №1
Предлагаю небольшой литературный флэшмоб.
Каждый пишет на тему известного абстрактного анекдота про медведя любое литературное произведение в любом жанре: комедия, поэма, детективный рассказ - что угодно, любой длины. Главное, чтобы там фигурировали герои и события анекдота.
Я начну:
Медведь: Ах! Как же хорошо гулять по лесу.
Лесные звери(поют): Как хорошо, как хорошо!
Действие второе:
Из-за кулис появляется горящая машина.
Медведь(удивленно): Ой, смотрите, машина горит!
Лесные звери(хором): гори-и-ит, горит, горит, горит...
Медведь: как интересно, - а ведь подумать только! Я никогда не сидел в горящей машине. Да что там, в горящей! И в обычной-то никогда не сидел! Сесть или не сесть, вот в чем вопрос...
Лесные звери(хором): Не садись, не садись...
Медведь: Неужели не хватит мне духу сесть в нее?! Неужели мне придется ждать другого такого шанса, мучительно ждать, быть может всю оставшуюся жизнь, кусать локти, сосать лапу, и корить, корить себя за малодушие, за упущенный шанс? Нет! Нужно оказать сопротивленье! Страху своему! Пускай трясутся поджилки, пускай нестерпимый жар бьет в лицо! Другого такого шанса уже не будет!! Да здравствует огонь, бесмысленный и беспощадный!!!
Лесные звери(хором): Не садись, не садись...
Садится в машину
Медведь: А-а-а-а!! А-А-А-А!!! Я горю-ю-ю-ю!!!!
Лесные звери(хором): гори-и-ит, горит, горит, горит...
Крики утихают
Дятел(печально, со вхздохом): сгорел...
Занавес.
P.S.: читатели! присоединяйтесь в комментах - напишите, а я перепосчю отдельными постами.
Каждый пишет на тему известного абстрактного анекдота про медведя любое литературное произведение в любом жанре: комедия, поэма, детективный рассказ - что угодно, любой длины. Главное, чтобы там фигурировали герои и события анекдота.
Я начну:
Огонь
Комедия абсурда в 2-х действиях
Медведь неспеша идет по лесу, собирает цветочки, насвистывает Штраусса.Комедия абсурда в 2-х действиях
Действующие лица:
Медведь - дородный, косолапый, бурый. Интеллигент. Любит гулять по лесу. Любопытный.
Горящая машина - горит.
Лесные звери.
Дятел.
Действие первое:
Медведь - дородный, косолапый, бурый. Интеллигент. Любит гулять по лесу. Любопытный.
Горящая машина - горит.
Лесные звери.
Дятел.
Действие первое:
Медведь: Ах! Как же хорошо гулять по лесу.
Лесные звери(поют): Как хорошо, как хорошо!
Действие второе:
Из-за кулис появляется горящая машина.
Медведь(удивленно): Ой, смотрите, машина горит!
Лесные звери(хором): гори-и-ит, горит, горит, горит...
Медведь: как интересно, - а ведь подумать только! Я никогда не сидел в горящей машине. Да что там, в горящей! И в обычной-то никогда не сидел! Сесть или не сесть, вот в чем вопрос...
Лесные звери(хором): Не садись, не садись...
Медведь: Неужели не хватит мне духу сесть в нее?! Неужели мне придется ждать другого такого шанса, мучительно ждать, быть может всю оставшуюся жизнь, кусать локти, сосать лапу, и корить, корить себя за малодушие, за упущенный шанс? Нет! Нужно оказать сопротивленье! Страху своему! Пускай трясутся поджилки, пускай нестерпимый жар бьет в лицо! Другого такого шанса уже не будет!! Да здравствует огонь, бесмысленный и беспощадный!!!
Лесные звери(хором): Не садись, не садись...
Садится в машину
Медведь: А-а-а-а!! А-А-А-А!!! Я горю-ю-ю-ю!!!!
Лесные звери(хором): гори-и-ит, горит, горит, горит...
Крики утихают
Дятел(печально, со вхздохом): сгорел...
Занавес.
P.S.: читатели! присоединяйтесь в комментах - напишите, а я перепосчю отдельными постами.
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